Friday, December 5, 2008

Truth's #2 and #3

I woke up this morning compelled to write this. I haven't even put my make-up on yet (horrors!) and here I am.
I grew up, as my sweet friend kindly puts it, in the poster family for disfunction. They of course believe they put the "fun" in disfunction. As a small child I always felt there was something better. My Mom was a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, a Mormon, but was inactive. She took us to primary a couple of times when we were young and I remember every visit, because it felt good to be there. By the time I was 10 I was going to primary regularly, it was on a weekday after school at that time. My parents were divorced and I had a lot of responsibility at home and generally felt fragmented but always felt at peace in church. I began finding rides for myself to get to church on Sunday as well. I would like to say I was welcomed with open arms but the people there didn't know what to do with me. I knew nothing about the Gospel except that I knew it was good and I wanted to be a part of it. I was from a crazy family and church members were pretty nervous about them. I was never invited to girls camp or other things, I think they were worried that I wouldn't feel comfortable there, or that I couldn't afford it, which was true. Not growing up in the church I didn't know I really didn't need to be invited. Even though I felt like an outsider, I knew it was the right place to be and kept going. (Whew, I need to condense this story a little).
I went to BYU because it was the cheapest way to leave home and go to school. I was always very self concious about asking my stepdad for money or anything. He had a way of keeping you in his debt that was very "not good". I loved it there and at the same time felt like a fish out of water. I was so naive about the gospel and the culture of active mormons. I was called as a family home evening leader, having never experienced Family Home Evening. Basically, I blundered through my early years learning how to speak and act, the hard way. I decided somewhere on this journey that the way to be happy and have a great family, was to marry a man who was truly committed to the Gospel, not just a follower, not someone who was wishy-washy about the church, someone who really truly believed it. It is a credit to my strong youthful innocent faith that I believed someone like that would look twice at me. Heavenly Father loved me and helped me find Jim.
We were married in the Oakland Temple less than 6 weeks after he returned from his mission. I waited for him of course, I was still guided by that feeling of knowing what was right and in what direction happiness lies. None of my family was with me in the temple which made the experience bittersweet, but extremely right nonetheless. We had 7 children and I taught them the Gospel while I learned about it myself. Jim was the Priesthood leader I wanted him to be, always leading us in righteousness. I know I have been an anchor in his life, slowing him down, keeping him from reaching his highest potential. I don't do it on purpose. I am still that little girl from the misfit family who knows where she should be, but doesn't know what to do when she is there. I find myself in uncomfortable situations all the time. How do I know how to be a Bishops wife? I am very uncomfortable accompanying Jim to work dinners or activities related to his callings. I never regret going, because I get that sweet feeling that I am in the right place every time. I sometime feel like I don't want to go to church, or read my scriptures etc. But, knowing life from both sides, I cannot deny that Heavenly Father sent the Spirit to me when I was a little child to lead me on this path of righteousness. I cannot deny the truthfullness of the Gospel and its goodness. I can never, ever do anything that would lead my children to think that I am not completely sure that this is the right place to be.
There are a lot of truth's in this very condensed story. Here are just a couple.

#2 Heavenly Father loves even obscure little girls from mixed up families.
#3 The Spirit will always let you know when you are in the right place, even if you are sure you will not be comfortable there.


  1. Thanks for writing that, Mom! I love you! Hannah

  2. You obviously have no idea the influence your testimony has had on us kids not to mention your "momming". I try all the time to raise my kids the way you raised me--I try all the time to do what's right simply because I know it's right, no questions asked--and I try all the time to progress creatively, spiritually, and emotionally the way I've seen you do it. Your youth has made you the least judgmental person I know and the most accepting.

  3. Beautiful post - love you bunches!

  4. You made me cry. I love you mom.

    by Paul Porter - Father-in-law

    Kathy became a registered nurse allowing her to help many others and especially to support her husband while he worked on three college degrees, including Phd at the same time she was raising seven children. She also supported him while he served as Bishop twice; was willing to move where ever things would work out best for him; survived cancer; worked later on to receive her College Degree. No doubt mothers have the greatest impact on children. All children(6)old enought have college education; all married (5) were married in the temple; both sons, old enough, have served missions; all children are active in the church. I suspect it takes Faith and work for each of to remain active and our faith seems to be going up and down, with hopes of mostly up. There are two easy questions to answer: 1-Was all of the above accomplished because Kathy had a strong dictator for a husband? 2-Do you think it is possible that we have great gratitude and love for Kathy and are happy she is part of our family?

  6. I cried too! You are a survivor in so many ways and I admire your strength. You have the greatest kids in the world and I am lucky to have married one of them (not that I would want to marry all of them, at least not all at the same time. . .okay that's getting weird)

  7. You are truly one of my greatest heros. I look up to you so much. Even growing up in a family with a strong religious background I always have times that I feel like I don't fit in at church or that I don't have the energy to do all that I need to do. The thing that keeps me going is women like you who have had faith even when all the trials in the world seem to gang up on you. You are so amazing on so many different levels. If you saw yourself how I see you I promise you would never feel inadequate. I love you!!

  8. Ohh Kathy You rock!!
    Thanks for sharing that
    Love you - Deanna

  9. I never knew that about you Sister Porter. Growing up I always looked up to you as a strong woman of faith and dedication to family and friends. Your love for the gospel always shined brightly and you are an example to me. thank you for your testimony.

    veronica cox